Grief that Heals - Abraham’s Grief and “Sitting” Shiva

Abraham bakhah’d, cried aloud, wailed, maybe even screamed, immediately after Sarah died. After he bakhah’d, he stood up from Sarah’s presence, p’nay. He had been in front of, before her - face.  Genesis 23:2-3

These are healthy responses to grief, releases of grief, valves for spontaneous, strong, expressive emotions. In His Wisdom, God designed us with voice and lungs. It’s fitting to use them at such a time.

Another healthy response is the Hebrew traditional custom of Shiva.

Shiva comes from the Hebrew word, Sheva, meaning seven. Shiva begins immediately after burial. Mourners walk through, experience, and release grief over the course of a week: together. Focus isn’t on the physical person of a loved one, but on the essence of who their loved one is; their soul. Reflecting on the loved one’s soul is a reminder that they, too, are a soul.

A soul is thought of as the light of a flame. Each person brings light into the world. Light can be taken from a flame to light more candles without diminishing the original flame. Like the flame, a person can give of himself, touching many lives, without ever being diminished.

A soul always looks upward to God, for what is good and right; a flame burns toward heaven. A memorial candle is lit in the Shiva house. It burns throughout the entire week. Its flame reminds mourners that their loved one's soul is eternal. This thought brings light into the darkness they are experiencing.

Mourners at Shiva sit low as a sign of mourning. It is a physical connection to the loneliness and grief they feel. They “Sit” Shiva.

In a time of devastating personal loss affecting an entire congregation, a wise Christian Pastor walked the Congregation through the experience of Shiva. The Congregation comforted each other; they were extremely sensitive to each other’s needs. They experienced true Community as they bonded in common grief, expressing it, and releasing emotion in the traditions of Shiva.

Grief through Hebrew Eyes: Abraham and Sarah

We are deeply moved in discovering how Abraham grieved for Sarah immediately after she died. What moves us is understanding it through Hebrew eyes.

In Genesis 23:2-3, the Text says, “Abraham came to mourn Sarah and to weep for her. Then Abraham stood up from before his dead . . .” New King James Version

The process of mourning does involve weeping.  But, when Abraham wept, it wasn’t quiet, dignified, weeping. In Hebrew, bakhah, Abraham bakhah’d; he cried aloud. Middle Eastern people don’t cry softly in their grief. They’re a people of spontaneous, strong, expressive, emotion. Abraham bakhah’d; he cried aloud. Think of his cries as wailing, maybe even screaming.

The Text then says he “stood up from before his dead.” Abraham stood up from Sarah’s presence, p’nay, in Hebrew. More than that, p’nay speaks to his being in front of, before her – face. Her face is where he saw her express life.

Abraham’s bakhah, his crying aloud; his p’nay, being in front of Sarah’s face; his standing up to move away from her presence, p’nay, are missed in translation. In understanding bakhah and p’nay, his grief is visible, we experience it. We are moved!

Sh’av – Our Path:

Since the time of the Exodus, our ancestors in the Faith, the children of Israel – Hebrews – the Jewish people, have called upon the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and declared that He alone is the Lord of the universe:  “Sh'ma Yisrael, Adonai Elohaynu, Adonai Echad” – “Hear, O Israel, the LORD is our God, the LORD Alone.” (Deuteronomy 6:4)  We believe this with all our heart, and with all soul, and with all our might.  We believe this expression speaks to God’s eternal existence, in plural unity – Echad.  A faithful Jew recited Sh'ma morning and evening (they still do).  Longer than just this one verse, the Sh'ma is not just a declaration to “hear” God’s Words but to “do” what God has instructed us all to “do”.  (Genesis 1:26; 3:22; 11:7; Deuteronomy 6:4; Isaiah 6:8; 1 Corinthians 8:4; Ephesians 4:4-6)

For all the centuries leading to the 1st century of our time, the Scriptures, “the Text” as the Rabbis would say, spoke of The One to Come.   He would make atonement for the failure to keep the Blood Covenant between God and Abraham, “Walk before Me and be blameless”.  He would be the atonement, called for from the beginning, for all who call on His Name.  He would cause God’s instructions to be written on the hearts of His people.  Yeshua, Jesus, came as God in the Flesh – the Son of God – the Messiah.  He came for us all.  “He is the full radiance of God’s glory and the flawless manifestation of His reality.” (John 1:1–14; Hebrews 1:1-3)

The Hebrew Text, known to most Christians as the Old Testament, speaks many times of the Spirit – the Ruach, or the Spirit of Holiness – the Ruach Kodesh.  The Ruach had acted upon selected people at various times.  Now Ruach HaKodesh, God’s Spirit of Holiness, the Holy Spirit, empowers, all whom God regenerates through Yeshua, Jesus the Messiah.  “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of boldness, a spirit of love and a spirit of total commitment.” (Acts 1:8; 1 Corinthians 6:19, 2 Timothy 1:7)

God speaks to us in many ways but the most reliable is through the Bible, His Text.  We believe that the Scriptures, in their original language, are the very Words of God.  “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Ever since telling God we knew how to tend a garden, we have been unable to free ourselves from sin.  We believe the only approach to the Holy One, blessed be He, the only pathway to salvation is by grace through faith in Yeshua HaMashiach, Jesus, the Messiah.  “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by deeds, so that no one can boast.” (John 14:6; Romans 3:23; Ephesians 2:8–9)

 But, as we read Psalm 32, and see that God has always extended His Grace to truly repentant people who looked forward or looked backward to the Messiah, we believe that faith without action is a dead faith. “Whoever claims to be in Him, must walk as Jesus walked.” (Philippians 2: 9-13; James 2:17-18 & 26; 1 John 2:6)

Ever since that moment in history, when Yeshua died on a tree of shame for our sakes, all those who call on the name of Jesus the Messiah as Lord and Savior are part of the Mishpakhah of Yeshua, the Community of Faith, the Body of Christ. “There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”  (Galatians 3:28; Ephesians 4:4-6)

Yeshua, Jesus, was born a Jew, lived and taught as a Jew, died, was raised by God, is alive today, is still a Jew!  All of the first believers were Jews.  Why would we want to be separated from the heritage we have in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?  “You do not support the root, but the root supports you.” (Romans 11:11-18)

Again and again, God and the prophets spoke to Israel concerning God’s Covenant.  The Covenant He made with these people was about them and the land, His People and His Land.  It is irrevocable.  While Gentiles are grafted in to the Olive Tree, we do not find anything in Scripture to suggest God has broken His Covenant with Israel.  As we travel the path of His covenant coming to completion, Jesus reminds us one thing that will have to happen along the way as He spoke to Israel and especially the religious leaders: “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, . . . .  For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, 'Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.” (Genesis 15; Deuteronomy 4:30-31; Amos 9:11-15; Matthew 23:37-39; Romans 11:1-10 & 25-32)

The Hebrews were and are, never obsessed with life’s destination – they are more concerned about the Path.  If you are on the Path, don’t worry, the Destination, Heaven, will be there!  We want to focus on the Path – God has the rest covered; we know that Yeshua HaMashiach, Jesus the Messiah, is coming again in power and glory! “They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory.” (Zechariah 14:1-19; Matthew 24:30-31; Revelation 19:11-16)