Grief that Heals - Abraham’s Grief and “Sitting” Shiva

Abraham bakhah’d, cried aloud, wailed, maybe even screamed, immediately after Sarah died. After he bakhah’d, he stood up from Sarah’s presence, p’nay. He had been in front of, before her - face.  Genesis 23:2-3

These are healthy responses to grief, releases of grief, valves for spontaneous, strong, expressive emotions. In His Wisdom, God designed us with voice and lungs. It’s fitting to use them at such a time.

Another healthy response is the Hebrew traditional custom of Shiva.

Shiva comes from the Hebrew word, Sheva, meaning seven. Shiva begins immediately after burial. Mourners walk through, experience, and release grief over the course of a week: together. Focus isn’t on the physical person of a loved one, but on the essence of who their loved one is; their soul. Reflecting on the loved one’s soul is a reminder that they, too, are a soul.

A soul is thought of as the light of a flame. Each person brings light into the world. Light can be taken from a flame to light more candles without diminishing the original flame. Like the flame, a person can give of himself, touching many lives, without ever being diminished.

A soul always looks upward to God, for what is good and right; a flame burns toward heaven. A memorial candle is lit in the Shiva house. It burns throughout the entire week. Its flame reminds mourners that their loved one's soul is eternal. This thought brings light into the darkness they are experiencing.

Mourners at Shiva sit low as a sign of mourning. It is a physical connection to the loneliness and grief they feel. They “Sit” Shiva.

In a time of devastating personal loss affecting an entire congregation, a wise Christian Pastor walked the Congregation through the experience of Shiva. The Congregation comforted each other; they were extremely sensitive to each other’s needs. They experienced true Community as they bonded in common grief, expressing it, and releasing emotion in the traditions of Shiva.